To the one I once loved:
It has been awhile, and I hope you are doing well. It has been a little over year since I wrote you last and just over two since we closed the book that was the story of our life together. Oh how time has flown. We are both done with school now, and living out the lives we always planned. You were always so driven and so focused on school, it honestly pushed me to succeed more than you ever knew. You inspired me every day to be a better student, a better athlete, a better person. So thank you.
It’s crazy, you know. I truly believed I could never love again the way I loved you. I never imagined meeting anyone who could live up to the standards you set, the expectations that you far surpassed. I never intended to take you for granted, and after losing you, it seemed like all I could see in others, is all that you had and all that they lacked. I hope she sees those things too. The girl you love now. I hope she makes your coffee with the Coffeemate flavors that you like and always has your breakfast waiting on the kitchen table when she wakes you in the morning. I hope she appreciates your freckles and the crow’s feet lines you get when you laugh. I hope she appreciates the corny jokes that you get from your Dad. I hope she sees the beauty of your heart and the amount of compassion you show even those who don’t deserve it. I hope she notices the way you look at her. And sees all the love in the world in those blue eyes. I hope she loves you the way I did. I hope she loves you better. That she loves you the way you deserve.
Thank you for everything you gave to me. For everything you did for me. For all the ways that you loved me. Thank you for setting the bar so high. In two years, I never met anyone that compared to you. Not even close. I never met anyone who gave me butterflies or made me think to myself this is someone I want to build a life with. To the one I once love, thank you. Thank you so much. Because of you, I think that I have finally discovered the love I have been looking for.
It’s not what you’re thinking. I am yet to meet the man who stops time when we kiss and brings cramp inducing laughter when we joke around. I am yet to have found the one whose arms I yearn to fall asleep enveloped beneath every night. But I have found love. Real, genuine, authentic love. I have fallen in love with beautiful places around the world that have taken my every breath away. I have swooned in the sights of glorious mountainsides and become giddy over one too many Guinness in dimly lit pubs. I have rode camels across deserts and eaten haggis for breakfast. I’ve ran Spartan Races in the 108 degree heat in Dubai and in the pouring rain and low to no visibility fog in the Scottish Highlands. I have fallen in love with accents of plenty and people from all walks of life. No, I don’t have someone who makes me laugh more than anyone I know. I don’t have someone who gives me butterflies and makes the little hairs on the back of my neck stand tall. Someone who opens doors, and pays for meals, and remembers the little things. Someone who puts in effort every single day and always makes me feel beautiful. But I do have loads of people who speak truth and have hearts that are genuine and pure. I have friends who push me to be better and to do more everyday. Who listen when I speak, and understand my hopes and dreams. Every single day I fall harder and deeper in love with this life and all of the people in it. I can’t imagine ever wanting anything else. Sometimes I feel like my heart needs to come with a warranty. Or maybe a return policy. That way if someone accidentally breaks it, or realizes once they get it home that it doesn’t fit quite right, they can bring it back. I have tried to fall in love a few times and it has just led to my heart becoming collateral damage. But sitting here now, it makes all the heartache, the pain, the change in directions, the change of plans, worth it. The glory of God, the love of my friends, and the beauty of this world, give me hope for the future, encouragement in the present, and peace for things of the past. It’s like every right choice, every missed turn, every step has been leading me closer and closer to this, and I didn’t even know it.
To the one I once loved, how amazing is it that something could go from beautiful to tragic to even more beautiful than before? We may have broke each other’s hearts but we prepared one another for something better. You taught me more than anyone ever had and gave me two beautiful years of life, love, friendship, and endless adventures. You gave me some of the best days of my life and for that, I am forever grateful. You were my first love, but I know one day I will meet a man who will be the last. To the one I once loved, thank you. Thank you for breaking my heart and introducing me to my faith, teaching me patience, and allowing me to grow into the woman I needed to become. Thank you for playing an integral role in my growth as a person. Thank you for loving me, teaching me, and pushing me. Thank you for teaching me to love life like never before.
If we meet again in the future, I will smile, and I will thank you.